Wife can’t abide husband’s other love: his weed

By Abigail Van Buren



The Korea Times Co.



DEAR ABBY: I have been with my husband for seven years, and I’m tired of having the same fight every day. He smokes marijuana, and I hate it. It has been a constant battle for years. We tried therapy, which helped for a while, but he goes back to smoking behind my back. We tried to reach a compromise that he smoke only after a certain time of day, but it still leads to fights. He shuts me out when he’s doing drugs and says I don’t care about his happiness because it’s something he enjoys, and I am taking it away. I love him so much, but I hate drugs and don’t like who he becomes when he’s smoking. I want to have a baby, but I am uncomfortable with drugs being in the house. I feel like I can’t trust him to be alone with a baby when he’s high. I don’t want to leave him, but I can’t take it anymore. Having the same fight every day is exhausting, and it’s had a really negative impact on our marriage. I want him to choose me over this, but if I give him an ultimatum, he’ll hate me. What do I do? — ANTI-DRUG IN ILLINOIS DEAR ANTI-DRUG: Give your husband that ultimatum and pack your bags. If you prefer the father of your child not have a marijuana habit and he cannot quit, then, as much as you may love him, this person isn’t The One for you. Sorry. DEAR ABBY: I’ve read your column for years, frequently taking advice you provide to others and applying it to my circumstances. I have developed a mutual bond with a woman who is 30 — 28 years younger than myself. She’s a waitress at a diner I frequent. I’ve seen her children grow over the past six or seven years. We have had many meaningful conversations and shared our highs and lows. She’s naturally friendly. Three or four years ago, she began sharing casual side hugs when I arrived. I never ask for them. Over the last year, these hugs have become more intimate, not in a sexual way — just a deeper bond of friendship. We occasionally IM when she’s off work, but I don’t see her socially. Lately she has been teasing that she’ll be my next ex. I reciprocate the flirting and teasing. I believe there is a mutual attraction. If not for the age difference, which I’m OK with, or the fear of causing issues with our friendship, I’d ask her out. Societal taboos weigh heavily on my mind, and I am pragmatic. Should I or shouldn’t I? Or am I reading too much into our friendship? — UNSURE IN THE MIDWEST 3 stars LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Stick close to home. Don’t feel the need to share your thoughts and feelings. Arguing will not help you solve issues. Focus on making your space functional, and you’ll find it easier to be productive. Leave nothing to chance. 3 stars (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Put your heart and soul into getting things done to your specifications. Share information with people with similar plans, and you’ll save time and money when putting your ideas to the test. Compromise will lead to positive change in a meaningful relationship. 4 stars (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Be careful what you wish for and who you discuss private matters with, and you’ll avoid confusion. Don’t trust anyone to do things your way or to pass along valid information. Double-check everything that matters to you before proceeding. 2 stars (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Participate in activities you enjoy, and spend time with loved ones. How you conduct business and pleasure will make a difference in how others view you. Friendly banter and a generous spirit will lead to better relationships, trust and favorable outcomes. 5 stars (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Put your energy where it will warrant a positive outcome, and don’t stop until you are satisfied with the results. An opportunity due to your hard work and dedication will help you make a name for yourself among your peers. 3 stars SCORPIO SAGITTARIUS CAPRICORN AQUARIUS PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Look for foreseeable problems before you commit. Monitor what others do and how they feel before you share your beliefs. Having an idea of what you want and what will work for you will help eliminate anyone trying to confuse or sway you. 3 stars